Cut the Bullshit and Remember Your “Why”.

I was driving through deep painted desert with a burlesque friend on our way to a gig; we were discussing the drama of the performance world and how it exists in every corner of this industry. World dance, burlesque, drag, circus, classical, theater, stripping, and so on. We were chatting away about it when this fell out of my mouth “I wish people would cut the bullshit and remember WHY they do this in the first place”.

It’s true, I really wish that for all of you. For every dancer, movement artist, and performer of any kind. I wish it for myself too. We all get caught up in the bullshit one way or another at some point and forget our “Why”.

I believe there are multiple factors that come into play with folks falling prey to the drama. For many of us I think it’s a perfect cocktail of ego, vulnerability, and survival. (Honorable mention to the fact that our capacity for drama is both a huge part of what makes us effective performers and probably more susceptible to the bullshit.) What we do is very very vulnerable. We’re a bunch of sensitive artists who literally put ourselves on display! We’re not showcasing a painting on a wall that we can walk away from, we ARE the painting. We can see the faces looking at us, we can hear the words being said about us. It’s not just our bodies on display, but the art that we have built on and through them. The dance, the movement, the story, the costume, the make up. Every minute decision made for the sake of the performance and the act of being witnessed. That plays massively into our ego’s and our vulnerability. We want to be seen, admired, and appreciated; to have our hard work and energy reciprocated from the viewers, our co-performers, and the people who hire us. As time goes by and a performer gets better at what they do, they start getting more opportunities. This is where survival and rivalry enters the chat. People get real protective of their performing gigs, teaching gigs, and even the hierarchy that they may be used to within a studio. All of that can easily be concocted into a whole lot of messy unnecessary bull shit that quite frankly ruins the fun and makes things weird.

In the messy unnecessary bullshit, folks tend to forget WHY they even started doing this in the first place. So allow me to remind you. I suspect you started from a place of love. You saw someone else doing it and thought “Omg, I love that. I want to do that, I have to do that”. You went into a class just to try it out and fell head over heels with the fact that your body CAN move. You got on stage and fell victim to the lights and applause. Through your chosen medium you discovered strength you didn’t know you had and fell in love with the version of yourself who knows how capable you are. When you started doing it, maybe some part of you woke up from the abyss and now you can never put that part back because it would be too violent to your soul to do so. I think, some version of love is what hooked you in and kept you going. Underneath all the stories of “why”, Love is most certainly the root of my “Why”.

I love dancing and performing. I love making costumes and doing my make up. I love creating a character and a story in my head and figuring out how I can fully shape-shift into it. I love the stage, the lights, the applause. I love hanging out back stage with fellow performers. I love having an impact on the room and being impacted by the room. I love that my inner little girl is so giddy at the fact that we grew up into an adult that literally gets paid to play dress up and play pretend. I love that I’ve developed such a deeper trust in myself and a bigger independence through my art forms. I love that I’ve met so many wonderful and wildly talented people who have become my community, my friends, and my beloved partner because of dancing and performing. My life is fuller and more wonderful because of my love for what I do, and I always do my best to stay rooted in my love and in my “why” as I navigate working in the performance industry.

So, for myself, and everyone else, let this be our reminder of our “Why”. Write it on a sticky note and keep it in your back pocket to find when you’ve gotten a bit lost and need the reminder. Let’s all try to lead from a place of remembering why we do this and why we love it, especially when the dust gets kicked up and the drama starts calling. We all be happier and kinder for it.